Frustrated, angry and hurt-VENT and afraid - Adoption.com Forums

So, my 19year old daughter mailed her reference back to DFPS at the beginning of August, after we had finished PRIDE...the SW who was our trainer went on vacation. SW gets back from vacation and no one knows where the letter went. So, for the last 2 months, no one can find it. No problem, they can just call and talk to her. (They also misplaced another ref letter, and so they called and everythings ok on that one).

Our homestudy is done, and everything is ready to go....but my daughter has been having relationship issues with her fiancee (grandson's dad) that she lives with and caused major drama over the past week, so now they are splitting up, and she is crashing with a friend of hers for the past 2 days.

I told her a few months ago that she better have a plan for a scenario like this, and told her they could stay with us for a month, but then she was expected to have an alternative living arrangement.

She thinks because she is an "adult" (which her behavior proves she is NOT, but thats a whole 'nother post) that she shouldn't have to abide by "rules" of our home. She expects to have free room, board and babysitting, while she continues to chase around her ex-fiancee and continue their drama (and if history is anything, that means alot of middle-of-the-night leaving and coming back) and last time she lived with us, did not contribute to household chores, her own laundry...nothing.
And as an added bonus, has been cursing at me, yelling at me and hanging up on me since Monday when I call her to talk to her about her situation and calling our social worker back.

We finally had to catch her at work yesterday, since she will not pick up our calls, at which time she said she was NOT calling the social worker to do her reference now, because we "wont let your own kid move in, but you want me to help you get other kids to live with you...I'm not doing it. I've got my own ---- to worry about, I'm not worried about yours."..more expletives directed at me.

She is basically trying to EXTORT us for either room and board or financial support (she is almost 20!) and she says she will call the social worker and give a reference.

This is the same kid who moved out the first time when we told her we would cover room,board, insurance, etc but ONLY if she enrolled in and attended college. She thought we were unreasonable and left home.

We are trying the "tough love" approach here, simply because we think its really the only way to make her finally act like an adult. (She has plenty of places to stay that are safe besides our home btw.....she wants us to take care of everything so she can be a kid, basically).

We are standing firm......and even if we werent fostering, we are not allowing her to move in. Its too much disrespect, too much drama and too much stress. We can take all that from a 10 year old, but not from a 20 year old.
So now, as I am contemplating what the you-know-what happened to the kid she used to be and where-did-I-go-wrong........now we are worried that without her reference, we will not be able to be licensed now (at the 11th hour). I have mentioned several times to the SW that a reference letter was mailed back from her, but no one seems to be able to find that one and the other that was missing.......

What do we do???????? How do we handle this as far as DFPS goes? I know they MUST have talked to, or have a letter from, any adult children....how much do I go into with the social worker? Surely we cant be the only people this has happened to?????????

Source: http://forums.adoption.com/becoming-foster-parents/408283-frustrated-angry-hurt-vent-afraid.html

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